Friday, April 26, 2013

I fell asleep Yesterday

DAMN IT. ALREADY FAILED. AHHHHAHAHHAAWEFIHAWEIFHAIWEFH. ALSO YOU WRITE POSTS TOO

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Faith

So, one of the main game ideas I want to look at has to do with mixing the ideas of faith and control in a game setting. Basically the gameplay element will consist of the main character being able to interact with the "faith" of others which by the large appears to him as an orbs of yellow light in the general vicinity of the person it belongs to.

Obviously, for this to be a compelling game, I should go into this with a deep understanding of faith and how people and people-groups interact with faith.

It seems to me that games have done a great job of illustrating the mechanics of faith. They have systems in Civ V and other games that uses "faith" as a resource that directly influences the gameplay or use religion as a context for a character or an expansive lore. But there seems to be no games taking on elements of "faith" which forms the heart of religion.

I mean you see stuff like Bioshock Infinite which really did nothing to explore religion and more used religion as a set of symbolic set pieces easily replaceable with Objectivism of Rapture, or some other out there philosophy. I think one game that came very close to exploring faith (and one of the reasons why it's my favorite game of all time) was FFX. You cant deny that faith was at the heart of the narrative. We had Yuna struggling to hold to her faith and follow through the tenants of her religion despite knowing it would lead to her ultimate demise, we had Tidus the outside who is thrust into a new world and is forced to confront his own beliefs when seeing evidence of Aeons and the passage of time all around him, and Wakka who turns to religion and faith as a mechanism to shield himself from the loss of his brother and the despair of living in Spira.

When I say it only "almost" addressed faith in a crucial way was that it let go of a chance to explore faith not only through narrative, but also through gameplay. I think this could have come into play most strongly at the part of the game when Yuna decides with Tidus to reject the final summoning and defeat Sin on their own. At this point, Yuna had renounced her previous faith in her religion (though still maintaining her faith in her desire to save the world but that's beside the point). There SHOULD have been a direct consequence as a result of this choice in terms of gameplay. Something as simple as an inability to summon during this interval, or only being able to summon very weak versions of her Aeons would have been an extremely compelling metaphor that would fit perfectly with the arc of the story and lore. Hell, Yuna literally prayed to the Faiyths to summon physical manifestations of the faith and souls of those who gave their lives fighting Sin. It would have driven the point home HARD, and a regaining of her abilities to summon when she expressed her commitment to defeating Sin by her own strength and a re-channeling of her faith could have served to supplement the gameplay through the narrative arc. Leaving the power level of the Aeons consistent with before here would underline the point that that was what Yuna truly wished to do all along, and having them come back stronger from the transition would illustrate that her faith was no longer fettered with the hesitation that her ultimate sacrifice in lieu of her burgeoning love of Tidus had inspired.

Wakka too could have been improved not in terms of changing any aspects of gameplay temporarily or not, but simply by exploring the effects of how everything that he believed was far from what he had been taught. He expresses distaste and confusion when seeing the actions of Maester Seymor at Operation Mihen, which is an understandable response, but at Zanarkand and Yuna's decision, he follows in a way not befitting his own character. He declares earlier that he would do whatever Yuna wished and follow in her stead, but this half hearted declaration said in a more resigned tone then anything is not a sufficient basis for his following Yuna and Tidus without SOME kind of great personal turmoil in reconciling or abandoning his faith. His happy-go-lucky persona would not be able to deflect contemplation on actions that go against everything that he declared himself to believe for the sake of his acceptance his life with his dead parents, brother, and the explicitly stated 2 failed pilgrimages he and Lulu were privy to before they embarked again with Yuna.

I want to explore the idea of faith because in Games there is an over saturation of Faith bursting out of their testicles Paladins or complete atheistic apathy with not only no middle ground, but no struggle with faith or transition and loss and renewal of faith which seems to make up such a core of humanity's interaction with faith.

I guess that's all for now. I'll flesh out my actual game idea and stuff on Friday.

Peace Brah.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Fred

Fred walked outside, squinting briefly as his eyes adjusted from the dead sheen of florescents. The wave of heated light on his skin struck him as unnatural and he slowed slightly before being pushed forward by the others behind him. He scowled and stepped aside to the edge of the hallway watching morosely as the line of students marched on to the rhythmic dull chimes of the bell. The hole he occupied was swallowed up in moments as if the glob of students could not abide division. More lines of students appeared from more doors. The familiar din started to rumble through the campus, the indistinct voices of the crowd rejoicing in their respite, desperate and obligated to make sounds before being once more snuffed out in the confines of a classroom. Fred looked over the safety rail of the third floor hallway his last class had been to see still more shuddering lines, straggling points, and pulsating ellipses. The pace of the students matched with the sounds of the bell, and steady rumble of the students, amplifying each other to make a thick throbbing reverberate through his head. He felt sick, heat suddenly rushing through his body to from thick sweat in his forehead and back. He blanched, fingers of bile clawing its way up his throat.

"They're ants," he whispered, lips barely moving, "They're just fucking ants."
Fred felt the strength drain from his legs and he hung in place supported only by the hands he used to grasp the safety rail. Time passed and the mass of students subsided save a few stragglers. Fred began to feel calm and felt himself return to a kind of normalcy. He looked around and noticed the lack of students around him.

"Well shit." he grumbled, "I'm already late so I might as well wash my face." Fred wiped some of the damp sweat drying on his face and began to walk. "Gotta take a piss anyways." he said.

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" said a voice behind him. Fred turned around, blushing indignantly. A typical stock delinquent type stood a few paces away an unlit cigarette hanging loosely from the side of his mouth.

"Just... talking to myself," Fred said behind him as he ran off. The delinquent stood staring at him, shaking his head in condescending bemusement. Fred slowed his pace and caught his breath as he neared the bathroom.  He rested against the wall and found himself opposite a couple engaged in a rendezvous between class. They acted in the typical besotted fashion, pawing furtively at each other while delighting in kissing. They grew more passionate and Fred grew suddenly uncomfortable in their presence making his way to the bathroom. They look like they're eating each other's faces, he thought as he walked on. The sound intensified and he could not stop himself from looking again.

They grew more frenzied with odd slurping noises, collapsed into each other with limbs draped across their respective backs. The noise adopted a familiar rhythm and Fred felt himself grow nauseous once more. Slurps devolved into clicks and thumps in structured intervals puncturing his head as before, matching...THAT DAMN THROBBING SOUND! Fred could not take it, and he turned to the couple determined to yell, break them apart, ANYTHING to STOP THAT DAMN NOISE. But once Fred turned he stood in place, frozen by utter shock. The couple was replaced...no transformed into two giant ants grating against each other to make that infuriating noise. They coupled just as before, heads struggling to meet each other despite their ill suited bodies. Fred did nothing and simply stared as finally as if in frustration one of the two simply took a bite out of the other's head and held tightly as it proceeded to work its way through until only a third of the head remained.

Fred shut his eyes and covered his ears. Waiting until his headache receded. I took but five seconds and when he opened his eyes, the couple was human as he had hoped. All too human. The girl looked down in horror at the corpse of her boyfriend blood and chunks of flesh smeared across her lips and cheeks. The boy lay limply on the floor, blood pooling around him, flecks of brain matter and bones forming a crown extruding from the back of his head. The girl threw up, and upon seeing what was in her throw up, threw up again until Fred thought that the boy's stolen mass as well as the girl's most recent meals were probably on the the floor.  The girl fell on the floor, eyes transfixed on the corpse as she pushed herself along her butt away from the corpse until she met with a wall. Then she finally turned away, holding her palms flat along the wall followed by her head as if pressing her face to the unyielding surface might somehow let her phase through it. She curled up into a fetal ball and lay whimpering. All the while Fred had simply been standing and he jumped as he felt the pool of blood, bile, and bones reach his toes.

A crowd of black suited men burst into either ends of the hallway blocking off the entrances and jumping onto the corpse, the girl, and Fred.
"What the fuck?!" Fred cried out as the men pushed him against the wall and began spraying a solution at his shoes removing all trace of the grime that had coated it. The men held something against the skin above his ear and Fred felt a twinge of pain as something was injected into him. As whatever drug they put in him took hold, Fred heard the familiar rhythm repeat again and again in his head, progressively faster until it became a background buzz...as it always had. Fred felt his eyes close slowly and when they opened again he was still in the hall. Nothing was out of place and everything was as it should be.

"...Fucking Ants." He said, and walked to his next class forgetting to use the bathroom.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just wrote whatever came to mind and I had nowhere I was going with that so I just ended it LOL. To be fair to me, that second-to-last paragraph with the cabal of black suited agents I put in after the last line. Imagine if it just ended without that paragraph. I thought that was unfair to you so I added that in so it wasnt a troll ending. Maybe I'll use this as a base for some other story later. I just did a free-write today cause I didnt want to think about plot or characters or anything.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Idea for short sci-fi story

about changing the format, I somewhat doubt that you'll be able to do anything interesting about that...

I had an idea for a short story recently... tell me if you think that the ideas are consistent and work well with each other.

THE SETTING:
Sometime in the distant future... we discover the secret to immortality!

However, as is the nature of scientific discoveries on the cutting edge, the process in becoming immortal is inordinately expensive. 

In becoming "immortal", one has to consume pills laced with specific nutrients that allow for greater longevity. While one pill alone will not give everlasting life, each of the pills gives you a certain amount of extra time to live.

Soon enough, these pills are made available to the general public. In order to accommodate people in different financial situations, the pills are available many assorted price ranges for the discerning consumer.

Soon enough, people start to perceive value differently so that the means of communicating value is not some flimsy piece of paper, but rather the new found pills that represent actual time.

THE STORY:
I was thinking of making a kind of ironic tale following the life of some individual.
The guy would be a person is a hard and steadfast worker, always saving his "hourlies", "dailies", and "yearlies" in the bank. He would refuse to spend his pills frivolously on goods for pleasure such as alcohol and coffee. In terms of characterization, he would be very detached with the world. 

Having reached the ripe age of "x" years, he has been saving for centuries to afford placement in "Heaven" (kind of an unsubtle name), which is another name for a retirement home of some kind. Before he gets in, the story would then focus in on what he has lost; his family, his friends, his wife, children, etc. as he has pushed himself and sacrificed much in moving forward to achieve this goal. There would be time enough after all to start with a clean slate. 

Heaven is an endless retirement home of pleasure. With a one-time payment, you guarantee an everlasting eternity of debauchery with everything you could have ever dreamed of. Typically, the asking price is incredibly high so that only the immensely wealthy can join, but he has worked enough for all of these centuries so that he can get in. 

He is filled with nervous joy at entering it would it be as great as he thought it would be yadda yadda yadda.
And then we kill him.
We kill him either right before he gets in or through some stupid accident when he finally gets in. (im leaning towards the latter)

THE END

Moral would be like to live in the moment or something like that. Whaddaya think?

On Limits

I've been pondering briefly on constraints, limits, rules, shackles- whatever you want to call them. Its seems kind of obvious in retrospect, but freedom isn't really conducive to fun or enjoyment.

Look at this first in terms of gaming. I know with all the recent emphasis on sandbox style games and stuff that this idea feels counter-intuitive, but do you remember when we would break games with cheats like "poweroverwhelming" in starcraft or GTA cheats and stuff like like that? After an ephemeral power fix those games would feel dull and unrewarding. Not only that, but it cheapened the original experience, cause after getting a taste of such abilities, you would never want to play the game without that power or it would feel like you weren't getting the full utility out of the game. But, it wasn't even the broken powers in themselves, I think that playing around like that would be amazing if earning it through the normal process of gameplay (like farmed FFX characters) but just getting it of the bat for no price kinda robbed it all of the pleasure. Its the whole notion of pleasure without sacrifice that made it feel so worthless.

I mean this feeling isn't limited to games. There are studies of oversaturation of porn creating unrealistic expectations for real life intercourse to the point of creating a distinct form of erectile dysfunction called "porn-induced erectile dysfunction." I mean even if you dont take these studies to heart (I havent really read a coherent study) you can still accept the general notion that being overexposed to porn and sex kinda cheapens the whole experience. Overexposure to anything for that matter engenders indifference so that point isnt particularly compelling.

But this leads directly into my main point. Its not that I think I need these shackles, but rather that I WANT them. I feel like its the limitations that makes certain experiences more enjoyable. Like only getting to play games and stuff with you guys once or twice a week makes it more special and the anticipation makes it feel subjectively if not objectively more entertaining. If we played together all the time it wouldn't be as fun.

In this light I think that Uhm-mah and Ah-pah limiting our gaming to only fridays and weekend ironically made gaming a lot MORE enjoyable. It was a limited resource that we were guaranteed to have to look forward to. If they let us play willy nilly I really feel like we would have enjoyed games a lot less, maybe even grown bored with them earlier. But I'm not really confident as to the validity of this particular claim.

But I've been belaboring my point. Basically I'm getting generally bored. I enjoy games and things, but with so much freedom to play whenever I wish and the freedom to eat and do whatever I want (academics are not very pressing a factor this year) I am systematically feeling more bored with life, particularly aspects I have complete control over as opposed to things like classes which I still find inherently fun.

That's why I want to try imposing limits on myself again. Lets see if imposing rules on myself like my new rule of posting to this blog everyday will prove to up my general satisfaction or enjoyment with life as is. This way, even if I start to consider this a chore (the actual writing not the correspondence), then it will still serve the purpose of making my other activities seem all the more appealing.

So Thats What Ima Try!

So I think I'm going to format this by either doing a rant like this on monday, wednesday, and friday, and actually engaging with creative writing (maybe a singular story with updates) on tuesdays and thursdays with weekends reserved for at least half the day on game dev. If this doesn't prove to be an ample enough disruption of my bohemian, free lifestyle that I tire of...maybe I'll even do all three everyday. Keep in mind that this isn't for productivity. This is to keep me interested in general life :D Scarcity breeds desire and interest after all and it is the brevity and uncertainty of life itself that drives me to care at all about any of this stuff.

I dunno how well I'll keep to that, but cause this is a written, public declaration to someone whose perception of me I care about I am much more inclined to comply. Be sure to give me condescending looks and shame me if I don't :D

Discussions of our place in this indifferent world of physical phenomenon and the crushing, permeating fear of death when not warded off by purposeful "not-thinking-about-it-a-tude" and delusions, as well as meditations on self worth- pending on actual physical conversation. Unless I decide that I feel like I can express my ideas better through the delicate transcription of ideas through type.

Henry.
Peace and Love Bro.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Hello little brother

little not meaning lesser in any way except in age don't take it personally or anything it's just that the phrasing of "younger brother" sounds far more detached than the alternative...

and so it begins