On Limits

I've been pondering briefly on constraints, limits, rules, shackles- whatever you want to call them. Its seems kind of obvious in retrospect, but freedom isn't really conducive to fun or enjoyment.

Look at this first in terms of gaming. I know with all the recent emphasis on sandbox style games and stuff that this idea feels counter-intuitive, but do you remember when we would break games with cheats like "poweroverwhelming" in starcraft or GTA cheats and stuff like like that? After an ephemeral power fix those games would feel dull and unrewarding. Not only that, but it cheapened the original experience, cause after getting a taste of such abilities, you would never want to play the game without that power or it would feel like you weren't getting the full utility out of the game. But, it wasn't even the broken powers in themselves, I think that playing around like that would be amazing if earning it through the normal process of gameplay (like farmed FFX characters) but just getting it of the bat for no price kinda robbed it all of the pleasure. Its the whole notion of pleasure without sacrifice that made it feel so worthless.

I mean this feeling isn't limited to games. There are studies of oversaturation of porn creating unrealistic expectations for real life intercourse to the point of creating a distinct form of erectile dysfunction called "porn-induced erectile dysfunction." I mean even if you dont take these studies to heart (I havent really read a coherent study) you can still accept the general notion that being overexposed to porn and sex kinda cheapens the whole experience. Overexposure to anything for that matter engenders indifference so that point isnt particularly compelling.

But this leads directly into my main point. Its not that I think I need these shackles, but rather that I WANT them. I feel like its the limitations that makes certain experiences more enjoyable. Like only getting to play games and stuff with you guys once or twice a week makes it more special and the anticipation makes it feel subjectively if not objectively more entertaining. If we played together all the time it wouldn't be as fun.

In this light I think that Uhm-mah and Ah-pah limiting our gaming to only fridays and weekend ironically made gaming a lot MORE enjoyable. It was a limited resource that we were guaranteed to have to look forward to. If they let us play willy nilly I really feel like we would have enjoyed games a lot less, maybe even grown bored with them earlier. But I'm not really confident as to the validity of this particular claim.

But I've been belaboring my point. Basically I'm getting generally bored. I enjoy games and things, but with so much freedom to play whenever I wish and the freedom to eat and do whatever I want (academics are not very pressing a factor this year) I am systematically feeling more bored with life, particularly aspects I have complete control over as opposed to things like classes which I still find inherently fun.

That's why I want to try imposing limits on myself again. Lets see if imposing rules on myself like my new rule of posting to this blog everyday will prove to up my general satisfaction or enjoyment with life as is. This way, even if I start to consider this a chore (the actual writing not the correspondence), then it will still serve the purpose of making my other activities seem all the more appealing.

So Thats What Ima Try!

So I think I'm going to format this by either doing a rant like this on monday, wednesday, and friday, and actually engaging with creative writing (maybe a singular story with updates) on tuesdays and thursdays with weekends reserved for at least half the day on game dev. If this doesn't prove to be an ample enough disruption of my bohemian, free lifestyle that I tire of...maybe I'll even do all three everyday. Keep in mind that this isn't for productivity. This is to keep me interested in general life :D Scarcity breeds desire and interest after all and it is the brevity and uncertainty of life itself that drives me to care at all about any of this stuff.

I dunno how well I'll keep to that, but cause this is a written, public declaration to someone whose perception of me I care about I am much more inclined to comply. Be sure to give me condescending looks and shame me if I don't :D

Discussions of our place in this indifferent world of physical phenomenon and the crushing, permeating fear of death when not warded off by purposeful "not-thinking-about-it-a-tude" and delusions, as well as meditations on self worth- pending on actual physical conversation. Unless I decide that I feel like I can express my ideas better through the delicate transcription of ideas through type.

Henry.
Peace and Love Bro.